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There are so many suggestions that it was difficult to know how best to present this post. In the end I've decided that a discussion around experiences we've had with some of the 'sleep encouraging' ideas would be the place to start, but that a clear list of all the solutions at the bottom could be helpful for many. So if you're a TL:DR kind of person, feel free to skip to mid way through the post!
The current sleeping arrangement in our house is that I sleep in a single bed in our younger daughter's bedroom. This hasn't always been the case, but for the past 8 months or so that's where I am to be found every night. It's necessary right now but I'm obviously hoping it won't have to be for much longer. I think there's an unspoken expectation from society that parents must sleep in their own beds, in their own room. Over the years I've spoken with so many parents who have a variety of sleeping arrangements with their children though, and my first bit of advice is to do whatever works for you and your family.
For many years before this period, our autistic girl was mostly able to sleep alone in her own room. I know that on the whole, we've been lucky with sleep. We haven't had as many broken nights as many other families have to endure; once asleep, our girl generally stays asleep and nightmares have thankfully been few and far between.
The main challenge for us has always been around the getting to sleep. Dropping off. Busy, active minds find it extremely difficult to switch off. Too many anxious thoughts about 'what if?' come to the fore when there's no other activity taking place. Some families struggle with children who don't want to go to bed or to sleep because they are having too much fun being awake, but that's never been the case for our youngest. She has always been a late sleeper and early riser, but she's always known when it was time to go to bed and at that point she wants to sleep. She just can't.
We've been through long and painful periods of me kneeling on the floor or sitting on the bed, holding her hand to help her feel safe. We've been through the times when I've tried leaving the room and returning to check on her, sometimes repeatedly, because she's just not able to drop off.
Trying to pinpoint 'why' sleep is not happening is a good place to start - too hot, too cold, too uncomfortable, scared of little sounds, scared of the dark? Or is it thoughts of something which has happened at some point in the past, or fear of what is due to happen at some point in the future? Or the fear of not knowing what might happen? If you can solve any of these riddles you may be one step closer to that Holy Grail...
38 Sleep Solutions:
1. Night lights - our girls have both always had a night light on permanently throughout the night. It could be a simple night light which plugs into a socket like this:
Or a cute animal lamp like this kitten which we’ve bought previously:
The kitten (or other animal) could double up as a ‘friend’ to watch over your child. When our girl was really young we bought her a jelly lamp which she loves and has used ever since - it cycles through several colours. Did you know that red is the best colour for night time?!
2. Daylight alarm clock - there are several Lumie bodyclocks which have a sunset function which lowers light levels slowly to aid drifting off to sleep. Some models also wake you naturally with a gradual sunrise.
3. Blackout blinds - it may sound obvious but these blackout blinds can be especially helpful in summer time when the evenings are lighter for longer.
4. Eye masks - Not to be confused with this year’s newest fashion accessory, the face mask… these ones are for eyes only! Our girl has used a fluffy cat eye mask with a soft backing for a few years now. It always surprised me that she found this a good solution because she gets so hot generally and I’d have thought the mask would increase heat, but it seems to work for her, as part of a bigger routine. There are many options for eye masks but here’s a panda version (because PanDAs are the mascot for the PDA Society).
SOUNDS
There might be a general pattern of thought which says that only silence will work to induce sleep but for some it’s the opposite. Calm sounds can help soothe anxiety and ensure that the brain stops racing.
5. Sounds such as the sea, rain or a rainstorm, or a rainforest. A while back our daughter chose a YouTube video of some soothing piano music. We left that running by the side of her bed and switched off once she was asleep.
6. White noise - leaving a fan on can help - we use one with an inbuilt timer so it’s not running all night. These WooZoo fans are not too noisy and I find it actually quite soothing:
There are lots of other fans to suit all budgets - top tip is to check the size of what you are ordering! Or try one of the many apps which specifically play white noise.
7. TV - suggested by one of my Facebook page readers: ‘the TV is actually just out of sight so she’s not necessarily watching it but she plays episodes on Netflix that she’s watched hundreds of times and she knows it will play the next episode automatically.... I also think she likes the light from it and the noise as it cuts out any night time noises. It’s reliable and routine and it seems to help her’
8. Screens - might not fit into everyone's ideas of what is acceptable, but for some this might work. I’m not saying it’s the best solution, but as some will know from my previous post ‘Autism, Gaming and Screen Time’, I don’t tend to pay much attention to societal pressure to limit or take away screen time. There have been rare times when our youngest has wanted to carry on watching YouTube videos until she fell asleep. I’m glad it didn't become a habit for her but I appreciate that wouldn’t be the case for every child. I think using the iPad to drop off tied in with times when our daughter's brain was working even faster than before, and as with the TV suggestion above, old YouTube videos were well known and therefore comforting. If it is the only thing that works for your child, I say roll with it!
9. Apps - 'Calm' app and 'Stop think breathe for kids' app are just a couple which have been recommended to me but there are hundreds out there.
10. Stories are a good way of winding down for many - they are certainly guaranteed to make me drop off! Audio options tend to work well, whether that’s CDs or Kindles set to play through speakers, or good old fashioned reading aloud.
11. A speech ritual - talking your child through where you will be if they need you, or the fact the main doors and windows are locked, can be comforting and more so if the same words are used every night. Or maybe your child needs to say the same thing out loud in the same way every night - regardless of whether it makes any sense. Just go with it would be my advice!
SMELLS
12. Lavender - pillow spray is probably the most commonly used bedtime product and is easy to use. We had some success with the Sleep Better pulse point rollerball:
13. Lush Sleepy lotion - lots of people suggest this has fantastic results, especially when used on the base of feet.
14. Oil diffuser - better for older children who might not be tempted to play with it, or else have it high up out of the way.
15. Clothing or toys which smell of mum/dad/carer
TOUCH
16. Weighted blankets - we weren’t sure about this for our daughter as she tends to get so hot in bed, but we reviewed a Snoozzy weighted blanket and it worked well over winter time last year.
17. Sleeping bag - sometimes not getting all tangled up in a sheet or duvet can be the answer. There’s no rule saying sleeping bags are for camping only - a cocoon type bag might keep your young person’s legs ‘together’.
18. Fidgetbum - we were sent one of these to review recently. Sasha chose not to try it out (yet) but her Dad loved the feeling of being tucked in and gently ‘compressed’...
19. Mattress and topper - just like adults, some children prefer them harder, some softer. Worth seeing if a new one of either helps. Toppers tend to be cheaper than a new mattress, so maybe start there! We reviewed a Simba mattress three years ago and our girl still finds hers comfortable.
20. Pillow - even as adults we all have different preferences with pillows too. Hard, soft or full body length to cuddle or rest legs on. Memory foam may suit some. Personally I love my Simba pillow, it's definitely a great investment!
21. Teddy fleece or brushed cotton sheets, duvet covers and pillow cases for softness. Our girl actually prefers 100% polyester because it’s soft and shiny and that’s the fabric feel she prefers. We’ve found it difficult to find in decent, non-kids branded designs though!
22. Massage - feet, back or head. With or without oil, with or without smells.
23. Bath before bed - warm water helps the body temperature to drop. Soothing, relaxing bath oils can be added.
24. Teddies - sensory issues are particularly common among those with autism and ADHD, particularly proprioception - one OT explained that an empty bed "can be scary if you don't know where your body is". Lots of teddies or extra pillows in bed may help.
BODY REGULATION
Quick disclaimer for this section - it’s always worth checking with a GP or pharmacist when considering products for the skin or body. These are not my personal recommendations, just solutions which other people have tried and found helpful.
25. Melatonin - this is not authorised for sale over the counter in the UK and several other countries, but is in the US. Melatonin is a hormone that occurs naturally in your body and helps control your sleep patterns. Man-made versions can be used to help you fall asleep quicker and stay asleep during the night but there are side-effects and it is not suitable for everyone. It is available on prescription in the UK and can be given in tablet or liquid form, or can be found in gummies too. Please consult with your GP or paediatrician for more information.
26. CBD oil - CBD products are now apparently legal in the UK, as long as they contain less than 0.2% THC content and are sold as a health/food supplement. They are still being tested though and I'd urge caution and definitely avoid mixing with any other medication.
27. Cherry juice - there are reports of cherry juice helping but research seems inconclusive. Cherries are alleged to have relatively high concentrations of melatonin. If it is something your child likes anyway, it could be worth a try as long as it’s in moderation.
28. Magnesium - oil/spray/lotion/or supplements. A lack of magnesium can contribute to restlessness and sleep difficulties. We tried a spray but be warned they do have a slight ‘tingly’ feeling which might feel uncomfortable to some.
Epsom salts in the bath is another way to aid magnesium intake. Please bear in mind this is not advised for people with heart problems, high blood pressure or diabetes.
HEAT ISSUES
For those who are hot in bed, lowering body temperature is proven to help aid sleep. There are several options for achieving this:
29. Fans - as mentioned above, we use ours with a sleep timer as our girl has fears about electrical items being left on overnight. A tower fan which sits on the floor and is further from the bed works well for us.
31. Cooling pads or chillows/ chillmax pillows - these are often sold as cooling mats for dogs but can work well in adult beds too! They are mats to lie on (various sizes available), which can be popped into the fridge for a while before bedtime to make them extra cool.
32. Cooling lotions - mint foot oil or cream is cooling, as is aloe vera gel or Deep Freeze roll on gels which can be kept in the fridge.
33. Rice bags - homemade bags sewn and filled half full with rice, then stored in the freezer so they are heavy and cold.
34. Frozen water bottles which can be rolled gently on the skin over a thin layer of fabric.
35. Frozen sheets - some people go as far as bed sheets put in the freezer before using (in a sealed bag) but I have to admit I’ve not found the time to try this yet!
36. Fan time - lying in an empty duvet cover and filling it with cold air from a fan could be a bedtime activity to help cool down.
37. Go outdoors - a quick burst in the garden for some cool air could help lower temperature and expend energy.
38. Stay low - sleeping in a downstairs room for a while might help (hot air rises!)
Phew. As I said right back at the beginning, there are lots of sleep solutions given here and most certainly more which I haven't yet thought of. We've cycled through most of these over the years but I'll still find it helpful to keep this list to refer back to.
As we know, all of our children are unique individuals. That means that it might take two, six or even all of these options at any one time to help our children drift off. And what works one month may not last forever. So be prepared - when you are sleep deprived it’s much harder to think of these solutions!
Finally, one last suggestion for you, although I'm only whispering this one because it's a book to read. And I know that parents of children with additional needs already tend to have large bedside towers of books so I wouldn't suggest it if it wasn't good though. My neighbour lent me this - 'Why We Sleep'. It took me a while to get around to reading it, but I'm so glad I did eventually read it. It's fascinating, and definitely worth reading if you are considering (or already using) Melatonin. Enjoy!
For more information about PDA, please read the book shown below:
* this is an affiliate link and I may receive a small commission if you click and go on to buy anything. It won't cost you any extra.
(Other PDA books can be found in my
'Books about the Pathological Demand Avoidance profile of autism' review post.)
To find out more about our experiences, please check out our 'About Us' page or the summary of our experience in Our PDA Story Week 35. If you are looking for more online reading about Pathological Demand Avoidance, the posts below may help.
What is PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)?
Ten things you need to know about Pathological Demand Avoidance
Does my child have Pathological Demand Avoidance?
The difference between PDA and ODD
Strategies for PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)
Pathological Demand Avoidance: Strategies for Schools
Challenging Behaviour and PDA
Is Pathological Demand Avoidance real?
Autism with demand avoidance or Pathological Demand Avoidance?
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Really useful post Steph, thank you. Love the pics, especially you in bed with ET :)
ReplyDeleteHaha ET is a well-loved Turtle, been with us for over 13 years! ;)
DeleteFabulous tips...we have the same cat lights :) and I think we've tried most of these over the years...I've a 32 yr old that doesn't sleep still...but at least he doesn't need his Mum anymore..well, maybe sometimes (sorry, you probably don't want to hear that)
ReplyDeleteHa thanks, I would say I'll look forward to that stage but zzzzzz..!
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