Raising the SEN-Betweeners {Book Review}

If you are a parent of an autistic/neurodivergent child, or any child with SEN (Special Educational Needs), and you have a sense of humour, I think you will love the book Raising the SEN-Betweeners by Lisa Lloyd.

(*Some of the underlined text and the pictures in this post are affiliate links; as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases but it won't cost you any extra)

As the subtitle "An Honest Guide to Parenting the Kids Who Fall Between the Gaps" suggests, this book is an insightful exploration of the challenges faced by children who don’t neatly fit into typical educational or social categories. These children, often referred to as 'SEN-Betweeners', display characteristics that make them fall somewhere in the middle - between those who receive full support for Special Educational Needs (SEN) and those who are considered neurotypical. The author, Lisa, mum of two neurodivergent children, has built up a large following over her social media accounts, thanks to her honest and witty take on life as a parent. Lisa describes her greatest wish as being "to live in a world where everyone is more aware and accepting of hidden disabilities (and in a house with an ensuite bathroom of my own so I can do my business in peace)."

Lisa is also well-known as a co-founder of SEND Reform England, a not-for-profit organisation that aims to support and empower parents and carers of children and young people with SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities). They are lobbying at both Central and Local Government levels for a reform of the entire SEND system, asking for a collaborative approach across all political parties and for key stakeholders to make meaningful changes for all children and young people with special educational needs and disabilities. 

There are eighteen chapters in this book, covering a variety of experiences and aspects of SEND life such as PDA, ADHD, post-diagnosis support (spoiler alert, not a lot), masking, eating difficulties, relationships and holidays. Practical advice is sprinkled throughout the book, as Lisa shares her real-life examples of a family navigating their children's unique needs. Lisa stresses the importance of recognising when a child is struggling silently and how such kids often “slip through the cracks" in traditional education settings. Strategies for improving communication are suggested, along with ideas for collaboration with educators, and building a supportive home environment. There’s an emphasis on the idea that these children may not be getting the support they need simply because they are 'not enough' of one thing to warrant extra resources, but 'too much' of another to be seen as neurotypical.

One light-hearted part of the book that I particularly chuckled at was the part in chapter seventeen where Lisa describes one occasion in her house when the phrase 'silence is golden' definitely didn't apply:

“On the odd occasion though, they can sometimes work together. There was one time I was upstairs painting, and I made the biggest mistake any parent in history can make. It was a rookie mistake, a schoolboy error. I ignored the silence. I know, I was stupid. Fin came up the stairs at one point though and said to me “we are making snow” and this, this was my second error.

I just replied, “that’s nice.” I was half listening and didn’t consider what making snow would mean. When I got downstairs, I realised, with mounting horror, the folly of my arrogance. I had left an open box in the lounge, full of polystyrene blocks from a large delivery. The box was now empty, but my lounge was not. It was everywhere. Under the sofa, on the table, in the drawers, under the TV. We were still finding the bits months later. For those struggling to understand think of a block of polystyrene, the kind that protects a TV inside the box. Each block is made up of millions of little polystyrene balls smooshed together. Imagine someone un-smooshed them, all of them, and then tipped the result all over your whole life. 

*shudder* 

Poppy could literally make a mess out of anything though. I believe, she could honestly make a mess in a completely empty room, I am sure of it. She is usually the feral looking child coming out of school with her hair all over the place, food all over her shirt and face, and grazed knees, whereas the other kids still look as they did when their parents left them that morning. Not to mention, she often has pen all over her face as she loves to draw on herself. I think this could be another PDA thing. The teacher tells her to draw on the paper, so what does she do? Draws on herself of course. And my walls unfortunately which is the reason why we have permanent markers hidden now.”

This description from Lisa took me right back to the early days of my blog writing, when I had described similar situations created by our PDA whirlwind - take a look at my post titled 'Nothing is Safe', where you'll find the above photo. There are other posts too, some with no words, just pictures that tell a similar tale, such as this one: 

I think one of the key points here is that of course we know that lots of toddlers might create mess like this, but for our autistic children, this might continue to happen to a later stage in life than typically expected.

Another quote from the book that stood out for me and that I think many will relate to was:

The thing that I love the most in the autism community is the fact it doesn’t matter if your child is non-verbal with high care needs, or verbal at a mainstream school-we all get it and know how tough it is. That is something I have found hard to accept in all honesty. At times I have worried that people would think I was a fraud talking about how tough it is to raise autistic children. I worried that the community of parents who have children with complex needs would look at me in disgust and say that I have no idea how hard it is, and I appreciate that I don’t. I don’t have to worry about things like when my child, if ever, will talk. I don’t have to worry about my child hurting me or someone else, (actually possibly with Poppy sometimes), and I don’t have to worry about teaching them how to use an AAC device, but I do have my own worries still. I worry about them being vulnerable and people taking advantage of them. I worry about how life will look for them when they are older. I worry that Poppy may never progress enough to get a job or get married. I worry that Fin’s social anxiety will hold him back throughout his life. I worry that they may always need me, and that I won’t always be here for them.

One of the book's most poignant insights is that raising a SEN-Betweener can be emotionally exhausting, as these children often face frustration due to their difference being invisible. Lisa writes, “You see their potential, but no one else does, and it’s a heartbreaking place to be.” Despite these challenges, the book is filled with hopeful messages about the power of advocacy and patience. It encourages parents to become the best advocates for their children, ensuring they don’t go unnoticed or unsupported in both school and social settings.

There was so much in this book that made me laugh out loud, or smile, or nod vigorously. Raising the SEN-Betweeners is particularly suitable for parents, caregivers, teachers, and professionals working with children who fall outside the typical boundaries of SEN provision. It will resonate with those feeling frustrated or overwhelmed by their child’s 'in-between' status, as well as with anyone seeking advice on how to advocate effectively and provide better emotional and practical support. Parents of children who are struggling without a clear diagnosis will find this a validating and supportive resource, full of compassion and actionable advice. Available now from Amazon: Raising the SEN-Betweeners.